Understanding Cheating in Relationships: A Psychological Insight

Infidelity continues to be a powerful source of emotional pain in monogamous relationships. In the United States, about 20 % of married men and 13 % of married women admit to having had sex with someone other than their spouse (General Social Survey, as summarized in multiple sources; e.g., Haywood Hunt, 2023; Smith Investigation Agency, 2025). Meanwhile, 46 % of women and 34 % of men report that a partner has cheated on them at some point (American Survey Center, 2023). These figures reveal not only the prevalence of infidelity but the profound emotional impact on those betrayed.

Why Do People Cheat?

Cheating is rarely about a single cause—it emerges from a complex interplay of psychological, relational, and situational factors.

• Unmet emotional or sexual needs: Men who cheat often report dissatisfaction with sexual intimacy, whereas women more frequently cite emotional neglect (Reis & Birnbaum; MedicalXpress, 2023).

• Personality factors: Traits linked to narcissism, borderline personality disorder, and psychopathy increase the risk of serial infidelity due to impulsivity, lack of empathy, or entitlement (Couples Therapy Inc., 2023).

• Situational factors, such as opportunity and power, can influence the risk of cheating. People in positions of authority may feel entitled or face greater temptations, which can increase the risk of cheating, depending on the cognitive framing (ScienceDirect, 2023).

• Micro-cheating and boundary violations: Even non-physical flirting or secret messaging (“micro-cheating”) can erode trust and signal larger vulnerabilities in emotional intimacy (VerywellMind, 2023).

Real-Life Scenarios That Illustrate These Drivers

Scenario 1: Emotional Disconnection

Emily and Mark barely connect emotionally. Feeling unseen, Emily invests in a seemingly harmless online friendship with a co-worker. When Mark discovers the messages, the emotional betrayal feels just as devastating—a vivid example of how emotional infidelity often precedes physical infidelity.

Scenario 2: Power + Temptation

David is a senior executive who frequently travels for work. Feeling powerful and entitled, he engages with someone he meets abroad. He later downplays it as “not cheating,” but in reality, opportunity, impulsivity, and distorted justification led him astray.

Scenario 3: Anxious Attachment

Lana has a deep fear of abandonment. When her partner becomes less communicative, she seeks validation elsewhere. A new friend offers emotional reassurance, triggering an affair driven by unmet attachment needs.

Cutting‑Edge Psychological Strategies to Prevent or Heal from Infidelity

1. Perspective‑Taking to Reduce Temptation

A groundbreaking study by Birnbaum and colleagues (2022–2023) demonstrates that instructing individuals to intentionally imagine their partner’s feelings reduces interest in alternative partners by around 20 %, while increasing commitment and emotional closeness (MedicalXpress, 2023; MentalHealth.com.pk, 2024).

Practice:

• Weekly, each partner spends five minutes describing their partner’s emotions, dreams, or struggles, then shares insights.

• This exercise fosters empathy, strengthens emotional connection, and lowers attraction to alternative partners.

2. Strengthening Emotional Intimacy and Boundaries

Open conversations about needs, expectations, and vulnerable feelings—combined with mutual boundary setting—help prevent micro-cheating and emotional drift (VerywellMind, 2023).

3. Addressing Insecure Attachment Patterns

Therapeutic work targeting anxious or avoidant attachment can transform emotional reactivity and jealousy into secure relational patterns (Couples Therapy Inc., 2023).

4. Repair, Responsibility & Forgiveness Strategies

After an infidelity, immediate self-disclosure, acknowledgement, and structural repair behaviors are central to forgiveness—not just words, but consistent, restorative actions over time (Martinez-Diaz et al., 2021).

Key Takeaways on Cheating in Relationships

Infidelity Rates

• Approximately 20% of married men and 13% of married women admit to having an affair.

• About 46% of women and 34% of men report that a partner has cheated on them at some point.

Root Causes of Infidelity

• Emotional neglect or unmet sexual needs: Men often cite sexual dissatisfaction, while women more commonly report feeling emotionally disconnected.

• Insecure attachment styles: Anxious individuals may seek external validation, and avoidant individuals may detach emotionally, both increasing infidelity risk.

• Personality vulnerabilities: Traits such as impulsivity, narcissism, or lack of empathy can predispose individuals to cheat.

• Situational opportunities and power dynamics: More travel, work power, or social access can create higher temptation.

Prevention Strategies

• Perspective-taking exercises: Regularly imagining your partner’s perspective can reduce temptation and increase empathy.

• Emotional intimacy practices: Prioritize vulnerability, communication, and mutual understanding to strengthen the bond.

• Therapy for attachment and trust: Professional counseling can address underlying fears, insecurity, and emotional avoidance.

  
  

Recovery Approaches After Cheating

• Honest disclosure and accountability: Acknowledge wrongdoing and answer questions openly.

• Consistent reparative actions: Actions must support apologies; rebuilding trust takes time and requires reliability.

• Forgiveness frameworks and therapy: Structured forgiveness processes, guided by therapy, support healing and relational repair.

References

American Survey Center. (2023). Is America experiencing an infidelity epidemic? Retrieved from https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/is-america-experiencing-an-infidelity-epidemic/

Couples Therapy Inc. (2023). The painful connection between serial infidelity and personality disorders: What the latest research reveals. Retrieved from https://couplestherapyinc.com/the-painful-connection-between-serial-infidelity-and-personality-disorders-what-the-latest-research-reveals/

Haywood Hunt, R. (2023). 2023 infidelity statistics: The ultimate guide to who cheats more—men or women? Retrieved from https://haywoodhunt.ca/2023-infidelity-statistics-the-ultimate-guide-to-who-cheats-more-men-or-women/

Martinez‑Diaz, P., Caperos, J. M., Prieto‑Ursúa, M., Gismero‑González, E., & Cagigal, V. C. (2021). Victim’s perspective of forgiveness-seeking behaviors after transgressions. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 1–14. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.707489

Medical Xpress. (2023, January 27). Reducing the temptation to cheat in relationships. Retrieved from https://medicalxpress.com/news/2023-01-temptation-relationships.html

MentalHealth.com.pk. (2024). Can empathy prevent infidelity? Science reveals a surprising strategy. Retrieved from https://mentalhealth.com.pk/can-empathy-prevent-infidelity-science-reveals-a-surprising-strategy/

Verywell Mind. (2023, June 20). How to recognize and cope with micro‑cheating, according to a therapist. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/micro-cheating-7547079