The Christmas We Remember, the Christmas We Grieve, and the Christmas We Carry Forward
- Dec 24, 2025
- 4 min read
Some Christmases change us. Some stay with us forever.
Christmas Is More Than a Day. Christmas is often described as a feeling—joyful, bright, complete. But for many of us, Christmas is a story told over time. It is memory layered with loss, faith carried through change, and love that refuses to disappear even when traditions fall away.
As a child, Christmas was complete.
We gathered with family—my grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins—around a long wooden table that stretched across the room. Small chairs wrapped around it, pulled close together. A beautiful Christmas tree stood by the window, lights glowing against the dark. There was a feast, there were piles of presents, and there was laughter. We opened gifts together and took pictures to remember it all.
My dad was always the one behind the camera. He took pictures everywhere we went, of everything we did. He loved capturing moments—preserving them. Looking back, I realize he wasn’t just documenting events. He was holding onto togetherness.
Christmas, then, was not just a holiday. It belonged.
Part I: The Christmas We Remember
When my grandmother passed away in 1995, something shifted.
People often say grandparents are the glue that holds families together. In our case, that felt undeniably true. After her death, the gatherings grew smaller. The long table disappeared. The traditions loosened their grip. Christmas didn’t vanish—but it changed.
As I grew older, Christmas became quieter and more improvised. I gathered with friends. I exchanged gifts with friends and my parents. I was an only child, and sometimes my dad would ask me to help pick out presents for my mom. We would brainstorm together, even though she already had everything, because my father spoiled her.
Those moments mattered more than the gifts.
Christmas memories tend to stay vivid because they are anchored in emotion, ritual, and relationship. Science confirms what we intuitively know: emotionally rich experiences—especially those tied to sensory cues like music, food, and light—are stored deeply in memory and recalled more intensely during similar seasons (Payne et al., 2021).
Christmas remembers what we loved.
And sometimes, it reminds us of who we were when love felt simple.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.” — James 1:17
Part II: The Christmas We Grieve
Christmas Day, 1999, changed everything. My father had a stroke that day. On January 1st, he was pronounced brain dead.
After that, Christmas lost its color. My mother no longer wanted to decorate. The tree stayed boxed away. The lights never came on. Christmas arrived each year, but quietly—like something we endured rather than celebrated.
Later, when I had children of my own, I tried again. For a while, we decorated. We wrapped presents. My two boys opened gifts on Christmas morning. There was laughter, torn paper on the floor, moments that looked like Christmas was supposed to look.
But over time, that faded too.
Eventually, there was no tree.
No stockings.
No lights.
Just a meal.
And a growing awareness of what—and who—I had lost.
Grief often speaks louder during the holidays because meaningful dates act as emotional landmarks. Research shows that anniversaries and holidays naturally reactivate grief, not because healing has failed, but because attachment remains (Eisma et al., 2020). Christmas magnifies absence because it once magnified presence.
Grief is not a lack of faith.
It is love responding to loss.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
Part III: The Christmas We Carry Forward
At some point, Christmas asks something different of us.
No more decorations.
No more gifts.
Not a perfect table or a whole room.
It asks us to carry forward what cannot be wrapped.
Christmas was never about the presents. It has always been about presence—love given, love remembered, love that continues even when traditions change. Our loved ones do not disappear from Christmas. They live on in our hearts, shaping who we are and how we love.
Christmas is the celebration of the Lord. It is the story of hope entering a broken world and of light arriving quietly. Of love not measured in abundance, but in meaning. That truth does not fade when circumstances change. It steadies us when everything else feels unrecognizable.
God continues to bless us as we carry forward—not always in the way we expect, but in the way we need. Faith becomes less about how Christmas looks and more about what it holds.
We carry forward memory.
We carry forward love.
We carry forward faith.
And in doing so, Christmas continues—not as it once was, but as it is meant to be now.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” — Hebrews 13:8
Conclusion: Christmas Still Lives Here
Some Christmases are loud and full.
Some are quiet and tender.
Some are shaped more by loss than by light.
But Christmas still lives here.
It lives in memory.
It lives in faith.
It lives in the love we carry forward.
And that, perhaps, is the most actual celebration of all.
References
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