Love, Duty, and Marriage: The Realities of Romance in the 19th Century

When modern readers immerse themselves in historical romance novels, they often encounter grand love stories set against strict societal expectations. However, marriage in the 19th century was rarely just about love—it was often a complex arrangement shaped by duty, economics, and social standing. This article explores the realities of romance in the 19th century and marriage during this time, supported by historical insights and modern research.

Marriage as a Social and Economic Contract

For much of the 19th century, marriage was primarily a financial and social transaction. Particularly in upper and middle-class families, unions were arranged with careful consideration of wealth, property, and family alliances (Frost, 2020). Love, while desirable, was often secondary to these concerns. Women with limited legal rights relied on marriage for financial security and social stability.

Marriage still held economic importance among the working class, though love played a more significant role. Unlike the wealthy, lower-class couples often marry for companionship and shared labor, particularly in rural communities where both partners contribute to the household economy (Bailey, 2019). Despite this, gender roles remained rigid—women were expected to run the household and raise children, while men provided financial support.

Courtship and the Role of Reputation

Courtship in the 19th century followed strict guidelines, especially for women of higher social status. A woman’s reputation was paramount; any hint of scandal could ruin her chances of making a suitable match (Shoemaker, 2023). Young women were expected to be modest, virtuous, and chaste, and any impropriety—such as being seen alone with a man—could spark gossip and lead to social disgrace.

The courtship process was heavily supervised. Couples rarely spent time alone before engagement, with meetings in parlors or under the watchful eyes of chaperones. Love letters played a crucial role in expressing emotions that could not be spoken aloud, offering a glimpse into the private thoughts of those navigating strict social expectations (Stone, 2021).

One famous example of a constrained courtship was that of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Though deeply in love, their union was also a strategic match, reinforcing political alliances and royal duty. Their letters reveal a balance between deep affection and the pressures of their positions, demonstrating how even the most romantic relationships were shaped by societal expectations (Hibbert, 2020).

The Role of Duty in Marriage

Once married, duty often took precedence over romance. Wives were expected to be obedient and supportive, prioritizing their husbands’ needs above their own. Legal constraints further reinforced male authority—until the late 19th century, women had little control over property, earnings, or even their bodies within marriage (Shanley, 2022).

For many women, marriage was a lifelong commitment regardless of personal happiness. Divorce was rare and scandalous, often leaving women in dire financial and social situations. In the United States and England, laws overwhelmingly favored men, making it difficult for women to leave abusive or unhappy marriages (Holcombe, 2019).

Despite these challenges, love flourished within these societal confines. Diaries and letters from the period reveal deep affection between spouses, even within arranged marriages. Over time, love could grow through shared experiences, mutual respect, and companionship.

Love, Duty, and Changing Attitudes

By the late 19th century, attitudes toward love and marriage shifted. The rise of the Romantic movement emphasized individual emotions and personal choice, influencing how people viewed relationships. Literature, such as the works of Jane Austen and the Brontë sisters, challenged traditional notions of marriage by portraying heroines who sought love alongside financial security.

The Married Women’s Property Acts of the 19th century gradually granted women more autonomy, allowing them to own property and keep their earnings (Shanley, 2022). These legal advancements, along with evolving social attitudes, paved the way for modern notions of marriage based on love and partnership rather than solely on duty and economic necessity.

Conclusion

Marriage in the 19th century was far more than a romantic affair—it reflected societal norms, economic necessity, and gender roles. While love did exist, it often had to find its place within the rigid structures of duty and obligation. Historical fiction in this era captures the tension between personal desires and societal expectations, making it a compelling backdrop for romance. Understanding the realities of love and marriage in this period deepens our appreciation for historical novels and offers insight into how far relationships have evolved.

References

Bailey, J. (2019). Parenting in England, 1760–1830: Emotion, Identity, and Generation. Oxford University Press.

Frost, G. (2020). Illegitimacy in English Law and Society, 1860–1930. Manchester University Press.

Hibbert, C. (2020). Queen Victoria: A Personal History. HarperCollins.

Holcombe, L. (2019). Wives and Property: Reform of the Married Women’s Property Law in Nineteenth-Century England. University of Texas Press.

Shanley, M. L. (2022). Feminism, Marriage, and the Law in Victorian England, 1850-1895. Princeton University Press.

Shoemaker, R. (2023). Gender in English Society 1650-1850: The Emergence of Separate Spheres? Routledge.

Stone, L. (2021). The Family, Sex, and Marriage in England 1500–1800. Harper & Row.