Love Bombing and Gaslighting: Red flags in Relationships

Emotional abuse is increasingly recognized as just as damaging as physical abuse. Among the most insidious forms are love bombing and gaslighting—two tactics that often appear together. Recognizing the red flags in relationships that signal these behaviors is critical for prevention and recovery.

What Is Love Bombing?

Love bombing involves excessive affection, attention, and flattery, typically at the beginning of a relationship. While it may feel flattering, the intent is often to accelerate attachment and gain control (Smith et al., 2020).

Red flags in relationships that may indicate love bombing include:

• Over-the-top compliments and “soulmate” claims within days

• Pressure to commit quickly (“I’ve never felt this way before”)

• Constant messaging or checking in, leaving no space for independence

• Lavish gifts that feel overwhelming or transactional

Statistic: A Shane Co. (2022) survey found that 70% of people reported being love bombed at least once, with women (76%) more likely than men (63%) to report the experience. Among dating app users, the figure rose to 78%.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where an abuser distorts reality to make a victim question their memory, perception, or sanity (Stern, 2019).

Red flags in relationships tied to gaslighting include:

• Being told you’re “too sensitive” or “crazy” for raising concerns

• Frequent denial of conversations or events you clearly remember

• Feeling confused or doubting yourself after arguments

• A pattern of dismissing your emotions as unimportant or irrational

Statistic: In domestic violence research, 74% of women reported being gaslit by their partner or ex-partner (Middle Georgia State University, 2023). Gaslighting is also reported in workplaces (Almeida et al., 2021) and healthcare (Mira Fertility, 2023).

Why It’s Done: The Abuser’s Benefits

The motivations behind these tactics are rooted in power and control:

• Love bombing ensures dependency.

• Gaslighting erodes self-trust.

• Combined, they form a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and manipulation (Sweet, 2019; Yildiz & Cansoy, 2025).

The Victim’s Horror: Psychological Toll

Victims often suffer severe consequences:

• Confusion and self-doubt (IJIP, 2024)

• PTSD symptoms, such as nightmares and hypervigilance (JIP Publication, 2025)

• Difficulty trusting in future relationships (Mira Fertility, 2023)

• Isolation from friends and family, deepening dependency

How to Recognize the Red Flags in Relationships

1. Speed of Intimacy – Moving too fast, too soon

2. Inconsistency – Adoration followed by sudden criticism

3. Reality Denial – Denying events you recall clearly

4. Isolation Attempts – Discouraging contact with others

5. Emotional Exhaustion – Feeling drained after interactions

Pathways to Recovery and Healing

• Rebuild Trust in Yourself – Journaling, affirmations, and mindfulness

• Seek Supportive Relationships – Surround yourself with validating people

• Therapy and Counseling – Trauma-informed therapy reduces PTSD

• Education – Learn about manipulation tactics to break cycles

• Boundaries – Practice saying “no” without guilt

Conclusion

Love bombing and gaslighting may feel different on the surface—one sweet, the other cruel—but both are about control. By learning to spot red flags in relationships, victims can protect themselves before falling into a destructive cycle. And for those already affected, recovery is possible: through therapy, supportive connections, and self-trust, survivors can heal and reclaim their voices.

References

Almeida, P., Silva, A., & Torres, L. (2021). Workplace gaslighting: Conceptualization, development, and validation of the Gaslighting at Work Questionnaire. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 10097938. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.10097938

International Journal of Indian Psychology. (2024). The impact of gaslighting on mental health among young adults. International Journal of Indian Psychology, 18(1), 350. https://ijip.in/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/18.01.350.20241202.pdf

JIP Publication. (2025). Gaslighting and PTSD among young adult females: A correlational study. Journal of Interdisciplinary Psychology, 2(1), 70–82. https://jippublication.com/index.php/jip/article/download/77/70

Mira Fertility. (2023). Medical gaslighting: What it is and how to recognize it. MiraCare Health Reports. https://www.miracare.com/medical-gaslighting/

ShaneCo. (2022). Love bombing survey: Relationship behaviors and experiences. Shane Co. The Loupe. https://www.shaneco.com/theloupe/jewelry-education/love-relationships/love-bombing-survey/

Smith, L., Gomez, R., & Lammers, J. (2020). The dark side of love: Love bombing, narcissism, and emotional manipulation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 118(4), 777–792. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000225

Stern, R. (2019). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Harmony Books.

Sweet, P. L. (2019). The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851–875. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122419874843

Yildiz, B., & Cansoy, R. (2025). Investigation of the relationship between university students’ love-bombing and ghosting experiences and their self-efficacy levels in romantic relationships. Journal of Romantic Relationships, 14(2), 115–132. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/387157480

YouGov. (2022). Public awareness of gaslighting: Poll results. YouGov Reports. https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/18481

10-Step Recovery Checklist: Healing After Love Bombing & Gaslighting

1. Acknowledge What Happened – Accept that manipulation is a form of abuse. Naming it matters.

2. Stop Self-Blame – You did not cause the abuse.

3. Keep a Journal – Write events down to reaffirm your reality.

4. Learn the Red Flags in Relationships – Study patterns like flattery, denial, and isolation.

5. Set Boundaries – Practice saying “no” without guilt.

6. Seek Professional Help – Trauma-informed therapy reduces PTSD symptoms.

7. Reconnect With Supportive People – Surround yourself with those who validate you.

8. Educate Yourself – Knowledge breaks the cycle of manipulation.

9. Practice Self-Compassion – Try mindfulness and affirmations, such as “I am worthy of love and respect.”

10. Focus on Growth – Reclaim your identity by exploring passions and personal goals.